I have several plannings when I graduate from UHAMKA. It is also can called my dream high. If I graduate from UHAMKA in beginning 2013, I will be an English teacher. Honesty I am still not sure with my decision to be an English teacher. Although I approximately dislike to be a teacher and children, but I will try to love them. I want to be an English teacher in my several favorite country such as South Korea, Japan, and Hong Kong. Besides, I intend to visit any places that it is famous places or beautiful places in each country. Specially South Korea, I hope I can stay in there for a long time. I want to meet my idols like Yoo Seung Hoo, Lee Hong Ki, etc. One of my several plannings is backpacking. I want to be a backpacker. Firstly I want to go around Indonesia. Next I hope I can go a road. I want to be an English teacher in my previous elementary school, junior high school, or senior high school before. I will serve as an English teacher for a year. As feeling thank to my previous school. Despite I know that man just proposes and God disposes,but I believe that where there is a will there is a way. I can make my dream high comes true. ( God willing) amin ^.^
Topic sentence : ________(underline)
Topic : pink
controlling idea : green
Topic : pink
controlling idea : green
Concluding sentence : blue
hi nisong..
BalasHapusI think this sentence ==>
"Although I approximately dislike to be a teacher and children, but I will try to love them."
it shoul be "Although I approximately dislike to be a teacher and children, I will try to love them."
you don't need word "but" when you are using although.
Dear Heflong...
BalasHapusthank you for remind me...
hehehe....
allow me to give you comment..
in your writing,
nisong --> Nisong
it should be "capital letter"
shoul --> should
less "d"....
but I know that you just forget to put it...
hehehe
once again,,I say thanks in advance
*.* Heflong
Hmm, it's still incomplete analysis, Heflin..It's correct u omit 'but', but the sentence isn't understandable yet. It should b in this way "Although I approximately dislike to be a teacher 'of' (or who has to teach young learner) children, I will try to love them."
BalasHapusWell, ur TS is already good; however, the way u develop ur supporting sentences still somewhat confusing. Take a look at the transition signal u use. In the beginning, u stated if u want to be an English teacher. In the middle of ur paragraph, u again state ur TS
"One of my several plannings is backpacking. I want to be a backpacker. Firstly I want to go around Indonesia. Next I hope I can go a road".Readers will wonder which plan comes first? When u again use the word "firstly" what about the plan u state in the beginning? Well, u have to make ur writing more organized. Using transition signals does help u to achieve 'coherence'. Moreover, u have 2 use it properly, so the readers will easily get the point on ur writing:-)